To be honest, last week was not easy. As I walked out of the house on Monday morning in the darkness of the early hours, my eyes turned upward in search of that special star. I couldn’t find it because the clouds were blanketing the sky.
So, off to school I went (papers still waiting to be read and graded) – really not sure if I was truly ready to be back. Again, the questions kept coming into my head – is it too soon, can I really do this, am I strong enough, am I being the best teacher I know how to be?
Once inside my building I hoped I had made the correct decision and then my kids (and former kids) came in, hour after hour, and in my heart, I knew I had made the best decision. You see, my students are never my students, they are always my kids. I have a passion for my subject matter, and I believe that passion will win.
Later I walk out of the building, again in darkness, and head off to return an item I purchased. To be honest – it was one heck of an ugly sweater, which I purchased in September. As I pass by a rack of clothing a top catches my eye. It looks like “Beth,” so I stop and find the correct size. Someone calls my name and tells me she is so sorry for my loss. Then with tears filling her eyes she tells me how she tried coming to the funeral home or funeral Mass, but couldn’t because all she could think of – what if that was one of her kids in the casket. And with that my heart stopped for a moment. What if? My jaw clenched and I just stared – and then I asked how her children were doing. And then she proceeded to tell me. Finally, I said I was weary, that I left my house twelve hours ago, and needed to get home. Yes, get home to my family, yes, go home to Kurt and Beth (and the Lola).
I called my dearest friend and vented to her. I thought I was over this, but all week it hung in the back of my mind just as that ugly sweater hung in my closet.
It wasn’t until Saturday night as Beth and I were talking – she under the freshly washed comforter and I on top, that I decided to share the story with her. Instead, this time I laughed and said – I believe that is now the number one thing not to say to someone. And we both laughed.
And then it made me think of Shane and how he could turn someone’s comments into a bit of laughter. So, thank you Shane for another one of your gifts as I continue to put, “one foot in front of the other.”
Peace and Love,
Always and Forever,
Shane’s Mammy and Beth’s Momma