Untitled.

Shane mostly corresponded with everyone back home through Facebook messages. I was re-reading some of the messages we had exchanged, and I wanted to share a message that I sent to him right after he deployed to Afghanistan. I am sharing this so that others know what families experience when their soldier deploys, and what a soldier feels as he is about to begin fighting in a war.

From: Elizabeth Reifert

To: Shane Reifert

Date: May 8, 2010

Time: 1:23 p.m.

i don't know how often you will have the internet. but you were right i guess about me not really dealing with the fact that you will be gone for up to a year. i guess i hadn't really noticed because i had had people around me for the last few nights and didn't even have to sleep alone because there were just friends here and i didn't have to think about anything. but then last night i was all by myself. i didn't have any school work. there wasn't even anything really on tv. and it was just kind of sad and lonely. and then this morning i made the mistake of watching an episode of the pacific on hbo and i just cried and cried like a big baby. so i guess i won't be watching any more of that. although it was really good.

i think about you being in the desert. in a place that is unfamiliar and strange. i have no idea what you are going through. or what you are about to go through. i know that you won't be the same person when you come back from all of this. i don't think you could go through being through a war and not be changed. i know it will change me and everyone else who you hold in your heart, as well. but i can't imagine what it will be like for you.

this isn't a very uplifting email. i wish it was. i'm sorry. 

Click "Read More" to see Shane's response to me.

I Feel You in the In-Between

The in-between. It's what I call the time between first waking and actually being awake and cognizant. I relish the in-between every morning, even though it doesn't last very long. It's a time when nothing is really wrong, nothing is really right, everything is a little fuzzy.

Shane has been dead for 6 days. And for the past 6 mornings, for those few fleeting seconds in the in-between, I am in a world where Shane is alive. Far away and in a dangerous place, but alive and connected and eventually coming home. For a few seconds each morning, I feel Shane's presence in the in-between and everything is going to be alright.

And then, as quickly as it came, the in-between goes. Something yanks me back to reality, the in-between becomes distant and the realization of Shane's death becomes palpable.

I wish I could find a way to stay in that place for just a few seconds longer. I'm afraid of the morning that I wake up and he is not in the in-between. 

But for now, he is there. And it is enough.

Oh, Dear Sister, Trouble Weighs a Ton

We sat in a room that was decorated in order to make its occupants feel as welcomed and relaxed as possible. The lighting was soothing. The colors were neutral. It made me want to vomit. We were at the funeral home, beginning to make arrangements for Shane's viewing. There are so many details that need to be worked out - picking a prayer card, listing the names of survivorship for an obituary, deciding viewing times. I wanted the boulder on my back to be lifted off. I didn't want to think about any of these things. I wanted to be melt down and be absorbed into the carpeting.


As we waited for the funeral director to enter, a man with an army hat entered the room. His face looked familiar but I could not place him. The man shook my father's hand. Dad turned to me, saying "this is Sergeant Williams." I thanked Sgt. Williams for his service, but it didn't click in my head who he was until he sat down. 

Click "read more" for my experience with Sgt. Williams and the day that my family dropped Shane off for BCT. 

“I dream of giving birth to a child who will ask, “Mother, what was war?” – Eve Merriam

To any veterans who are reading this, thank you for your dedication, heart, and service to our country.  

 

I think that most Americans take our veterans for granted, and the wars in which we are currently involved for granted. Everyone goes about living their lives, forgetting that there are men still fighting for our freedom and for the freedom of others. Because of Shane's death and my many conversations with his brave brothers who are still serving our country, I am especially reminded how important today, Veterans Day, is and how we must all express our gratitude to our troops in whatever way possible -- through a prayer, handshake, or a simple moment out of your day to contemplate the life that a solider has and may currently still be living to protect America. 

 

I have many veterans in my family and I am equally proud of all of them. Today, as my family and I plan Shane's funeral arrangements, I will be ever more cognizant of our veterans and eternally grateful for those who answered the call.

 

"Our thanks to those who answered the call,
Who took up the challenge, and gave their all.
God bless those more brave than me.
So that we can live in this Land of the Free." 

 

Shopping for the Unexpected; Screaming when Alone

Today I went to the mall with my father. We were going suit shopping. Normally, I love going to the mall, swiping my charge, and carrying home bags. But today was very different. We were buying a suit for Shane's upcoming funeral. 

The first salesperson we encountered was a flit of a girl. Younger than I am and "not my style," as my dad noted. She wouldn't take his measurements, didn't know how long alterations would take. So we moved on to the next store. 

Click "read more" for the rest of my mall encounter and my conversation with Grandpa and Grandma.

Watch Fox 2 News at 10:00 Tonight

Fox 2 News reporter Ron Savage came to our house this evening and interviewed my parents and myself about Shane. Please watch the 10:00 news on Fox 2 Detroit tonight to see the story. Mr. Savage was very respectful and I hope the news story does Shane justice. 

UPDATE:
Apparently we are a now a "grieving family."  Visit the Fox News Detroit site below to see part of the interview we gave:
 
Grieving Family Remembers Pfc Reifert

I thought that the segment was good, although we probably talked to Mr. Savage (the reporter) for roughly 20 minutes. I suppose I shouldn't take things personally, since the lead story on the news tonight was about a girl who was raped and then hung herself. That, and medical marijuana.   

We All Die Alone

I just want to wake up from this nightmare and find out that all of this has been some sort of cosmic cruel joke. That we're just being punked. That there's been a mistake and Shane is alive and well and still out there taking names and kicking ass.  

I keep thinking about his autopsy. How he would have been sliced open on a cold slab. How his organs would have been weighed and then placed back inside with care, in a methodical and scientific manner. How he is now alone in a cold box. How I want to rip my heart out of my chest and give it to my brother so that he doesn't have to be in a cold and sterile box. How we all die alone. 

"Every living creature on earth dies alone."
-- Donnie Darko

Update on Donations

Please click the link to learn how to donate directly on this blog or where donors may send checks if they choose. 

Donate in Shane's Memory

Reporters, the Media, Articles on Shane

Reporters are an interesting breed. One of my close friends is a former reporter and an incredibly kind, even-keeled individual, but I've been learning over the past few days that there are other types of reporters. In the 24-hour news cycle we live in, I can appreciate the need to push stories out. But bothering my extended family because papers are impatient to get a story out while we were in Delaware seemed offensive. One reporter whose call I was returning impatiently asked, "Who are you, again?" She did not get comments from me or my family. 

The Times Herald initially had an article written by Liz Shepard that did a great disservice to Shane and my family. However, yesterday I had the privilege of speaking with Crystal Garcia. She was very kind and did not mince any of my words in her beautiful article, which is linked to below. I think that her article captures the spirit of Shane and that he would have approved. 

Click "read more" for The Times Herald Link and another link to a Fox 2 News report.

Final Arrival

Two months ago, I had a secret. And it was that Shane was coming home on September 9th. Shane had told my parents that he was beginning the process to come home on leave, but he made me promise that I would not tell them the exact day that he would be home. So we told some fibs and made my parents think that he was stuck in Kuwait when I knew he would be arriving in Detroit on a Thursday. 

I made an embarassingly glittery sign to hold. I packed a bag with chocolate chip cookies and Monster energy drinks for in the car. And when I got a text from Shane telling me when his flight would get in, I could not get to the airport fast enough. 

I stood waiting in baggage claim, wanting to jump out of my skin with excitement. As it so often does during great anticipation or dread, time slowed down. 

And then I saw a pair of Army boots on the escalator, followed by an ACU (Army Combat Uniform), and finally my brother's face. I dropped my purse and sign and wrapped my arms around him in a bear hug. People were clapping. I breathed him in so deeply. When I finally let go, my muscles hurt from embracing him so tightly.  We were both a little teary eyed and had the widest smiles possible. Shane was home. Everything was going to be alright.

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