Fix You

I wish I knew what this song meant to you. It drives me insane that I don't know. Maybe I don't want to know. I hate Chris Martin's voice and think that Eric sang the song a million times better than he did. I don't understand why Coldplay is famous, really, because I dislike Chris Martin's voice that much. Maybe you didn't like Coldplay, maybe you just liked this one particular song. Sometimes I think that Mom must not have heard you correctly, that you must have wanted a different song played at your funeral. I look for meaning in the lyrics that will connect the song to you, but I can't find anything. Maybe it's because the part of you that connected to this song is a part of you that I didn't know. At least, that's what I've decided in my head.

"Fix You," by Coldplay. 

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down on your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down on your face
And on your face I...

Tears stream down on your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down on your face
And on your face I...

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
 

A Letter to Shane

Hi Buddy,

I just finished watching the first season of Rescue Me. Now I know why you liked it so much. The characters are all real people and they have lots of problems with imperfect lives, just like the rest of us, but maybe with more drinking on the show. Maybe not, depending on whose lives we're talking about. 

I went shopping today for Mom and Dad's Christmas presents and I kind of pretended that you were with me today, but that maybe you just kept leaving the room that I was in a few seconds before I entered. You helped me pick out some good stuff, though, and I think Mom and Dad will like what we got for them. It was tough going Christmas shopping without you. I really wish you would have been there but I understand why you couldn't be. I guess that you were with me in spirit and that's what mattered. 


There are so many things that I wish I could tell you right now. Sometimes I feel like I'm walking around all filled up with secrets that I can only tell to you. And I guess I could write them to you in a letter or talk to you before I go to bed at night or something, but it's just not the same. I know that I'm surrounded by a bunch of people who love and care about me, but it's just not the same without you here. You knew me better than I knew myself most days, and I just want to talk to you and have you tell me things I might already know in my heart but am too afraid to admit to myself. 


Christmas is coming. I've been told that the holidays are going to be pretty rough from some reputable sources who have gone through things like this. Even if you were alive, you wouldn't be here, you'd be in Afghanistan. So maybe it won't be such a big deal. But that's probably just me kidding myself. 


I don't know where you are. Maybe you're nowhere. Maybe you're everywhere. I guess that I'm just trying to say that today was a rough day and that I miss you a lot right now. 

I love you, buddy. 




FFBS.

Donations Update

Just letting everyone know that we heard from the guys and they received their boots and Under Armour, just in time for Christmas and the cold Afghanistan winter weather! They're thankful and happy to have new gear.

So if you're one of the many people who have generously donated, from my family to yours, thank you very much. You've helped make a soldier's life a little bit better while he is busy keeping the rest of us safe. 

If you haven't donated but read this blog, please consider making a donation. Any amount is appreciated and put to good use. Everyone can manage to spare a few (or many) dollars by not buying a pack of cigarettes or a beer at the bar or a Starbucks coffee.