Earlier in the week, I
headed off to Great Lakes
National Cemetery
with Jane (Shane’s godmother) and two of Shane’s cousins, Jillian and Jack.
Jane was kind enough to drive; I was still weary from a very trying year of
teaching. My mood perfectly matched the weather – gloomy. It was overcast; and,
at times, rain came from the sky.
My mood improved as I caught
up chatting with Jane, Jillian, and Jack. Jillian is getting married in a
couple of weeks, and Jack recently graduated from college. The Kronners had
already purchased their flowers to place at Shane’s grave, but I still needed
to purchase my flowers. We stopped and I made my purchase; I tried avoiding the
raindrops, but they kept finding me.
When we arrived at Great Lakes, the rain finally ceased. As we entered the
cemetery, I noticed that all the flags were flying, which meant that there was
a funeral scheduled for that day. As we were placing the flowers, we could hear
the 21-gun salute.
And then the brutality of
our visit hit me to the core. Never in a million years did I ever think I would
be standing over Shane’s grave. I never believed that life would be this cruel.
The four of us shed tears and a few stories. We shared a Coke and sourdough
pretzels – that is one of my rituals at the cemetery. I can close my eyes and
remember the very last time Shane and I shared a Coke and sourdough pretzels.
As we drove around the small
lake at the cemetery, I noticed two swans in the farthest corner of the lake.
When we finally made our way around, we noticed that there were not only the
two swans, but four cygnets looking for food.
I got out of the car and
quietly approached the swans. Their majestic beauty swooped over me with the
gift of peace. I inched closer and closer to the swans, not wanting them to
swim away or worse yet, attack me. I worked my way through the tall grass and
wild flowers. I watched in wonder and awe of the raw beauty of nature. Every
once in awhile one of the parents would look my way, but I think they sensed I
was not a threat. They allowed me to absorb the tranquility and peace.
I left the cemetery that day
with a deeper appreciation of nature – this thing called nature that helped
heal this broken heart.
As I continue to “put one
foot in front of the other.”
Peace-
Always and forever,
Shane’s Mammy and Beth’s
Momma
